Carl Setzer

This morning’s glimmer from " Advice from 30 year old me to 20 year old me ”: "A few people will change your life forever. Find them." Searching, seeking, a pilgrimage of personal growth. Finding such humans ensures you grow. Such people challenge you, driving you past your internal resistances. However, I seek more; more than to simply absorb greatness from others. I seek to Be One Of These People. If one person grows from my presence: success! Afterwards, “the more the merrier”. What, really do I benefit embodying the values of leeches and mosquitos? Sure, at a primal level, I gain. But, I also lose. Human relationship is transactional. One-sided benefit destroys relationship and eventually leaves one isolated, alone. Lost to the greedy, immature mind: synergization, gestalt. Collaboration creates things greater than by an individual. Things greater than can even be conceived by the one. A zen quality therein, methinks.

My thought of the morning: I don't think I believe in mistakes. The hedging quality reflects the newness of this notion. It's reflects a rather radical shift in my mind. There's sloppy execution, then there's discovery.  Sloppy execution isn't a mistake, it's a lack of care and diligence. Clearly, more effort/better focused effort would've overcome the obstacles. Accepting a challenge which doesn't go as expected isn't a mistake, either. We learn deeply from those moments. Amazing, cosmos shifting events resulted from unintended consequences. I mustn't let my fear of mistakes paralyze me. This ruins so much joy, limits life's delights. I've seen this, up close and personally. And desire the removal of such life denying scripts from my psyche. Walking that path, slowly but surely, reaching that destination.

Reddened eyes stare back at me from the mirror. Pale glare from industrial lights accentuates my weariness. My child’s disrupted sleep disrupted mine. Finding responses more eloquent than grunts challenging.  Evening now descends, sunlight reflected from the building across the way. The excessive caffeine coursing my veins somewhat obliterates my fatigue while adding a strange, surreal quality. Which combined with a demanding bladder adds to this unfocused day. Hard to point to accomplishments, yet they exist. Simply put, an unfocused and distracted day. One nicely viewed from the rear-view mirror of life.