Carl Setzer

This seems very relevant in these times: I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my  fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. [ 2 ] From Dune, The Litany Against Fear. 

Half this year... We're moving into the middle of the year. Striking to me. I know it's a trope But time seems to pass by Faster... ....Far faster .......Than before With that, I'm thinking of returning to Blogger, at least for a while. Recapturing my roots, I guess. As well as simplifying things. My life became overfull, with so very much slipping. Quality; so very important to me, failing. Quality and Mr. Pirsig, my main take away from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance . Blogger's not as clean as WordPress. There's more work to getting the site just right. I'm curious to see if I can be satisfied. We shall see!

Lately I've been realizing something about myself: I don't have these grand aspirations towards power in regards to my career. Confrontation is gloriously unpleasant. I love working in an admin role. That's what I've defaulted each time I've been laid off. I can't imagine doing anything else. I have tried a few things, but they generally come to naught as I don't have the massive drive such needs. It's delightful finally say "I'm cool with being an admin". I'm good at this. I add value to the teams I work with. I'm great at the administrative work needed on any project. I have no grand drive for acclamation and power. I'm quite comfortable being in the background. I like for my team to respect me and value my work.

Oh, Maslow's pyramid and all that psychological think! Is there anything greater than interdependence and self-actualization? Yes, this is a rhetorical question. Right now, no. Or, better put, nothing we know of. But our culture evolves. I wonder what the future will think, looking back upon this moment, about what our perceived upper-bounds were in terms of compassion, interconnectedness, justice. I'm confident that they'll find us amusing, perhaps with a judgmental view.

It's sad how much we lose because of our fear of failure. So many opportunities vanish simply because we were too afraid to act. How will we ever know the extent of our possibilities if we fear reaching our limits? I know, for myself, that most of my perceived limits are illusory. Yet it's uncomfortable to imagine stretching past them. We must master our fears. If nothing else, transfer that to a fear of not trying, of the lost opportunity. That way our fears push us forward. Yet, I feel the ideal is centering ourselves upon love, passion. It's better to run towards success than away from terror. Fear exhausts; love's attraction energizes.

Briefly looking back, I'm pleased that I got my inbox back under control. At the start of the day, I was well over 300 emails. I highly recommend you start reading Project 562 . Matika's a fantastic photographer, and this project explores the Native American experience. As a member of the Tulalip Tribes, her insights into last week's school shooting in Marysville are worth the read.  As for my own writing, I've been pleased with the engagement I've received at my poetry blog: Asking, Exploring, Seeking . It's where I've been focusing more of that energy, though the busy-ness of this early autumn has impacted that work as well. I'm trying to get back to posting daily.  I've been taking CIS 241, Web Development 1 at Edmonds Community College. Yeah, I know a fair amount about html, and a bit about CSS. I'm mostly self-taught, though, and have long wanted a deeper understanding. Getting up-to-speed with the changes wrought by html 5 have been ...

My thought of the morning: I don't think I believe in mistakes. The hedging quality reflects the newness of this notion. It's reflects a rather radical shift in my mind. There's sloppy execution, then there's discovery.  Sloppy execution isn't a mistake, it's a lack of care and diligence. Clearly, more effort/better focused effort would've overcome the obstacles. Accepting a challenge which doesn't go as expected isn't a mistake, either. We learn deeply from those moments. Amazing, cosmos shifting events resulted from unintended consequences. I mustn't let my fear of mistakes paralyze me. This ruins so much joy, limits life's delights. I've seen this, up close and personally. And desire the removal of such life denying scripts from my psyche. Walking that path, slowly but surely, reaching that destination.

My feet fall upon  pavement. The sound changes to a quiet thud when I leave pavement for grass, earth. My eyes move skyward, this sky lacks light. Save for the stars. Stars glow, brutal furnaces flickering gently, silently. They strangely beckon me, who can not reply. Upon this rock,  far from the center of anything, galaxy-wise, much less regarding the universe. Away, away they sit, gentle blue glowing spots upon the once blue sky. Watching me, calmly. Do they see this once boy, walking under the few remaining wisps of cloud, stretched thinly, not quite hiding the ancient eyes. Orion's gaze the most familiar. Memories from boyhood, back upon the grass, eyes drinking deep those ever present dots. Staying upon the shapes my parents, their parents, all humanity that's ever been, they've all seen the same shapes. Though they, too, change, their slowness taxes the mind to consider. My life barely a suffer. Humanity's entire experience too recent to register.  Pale blue dre...

Often, we get so absorbed in things we can't affect that we neglect those areas we can.

The sky evenly grey, moisture descends calmly, quietly. Some bird's song sounding rather akin to a child whistling poorly. This song grabs attention solidly. I know my walls absorb some tonality, change timber, perhaps limiting the time of the song. With the window open, the range expands. Compelled to understand this strange song better, I slide open a window. Slowly, carefully; trying to ensure that from which it emanates remains unaware, undisturbed, thus continuing unabated. An element of Heisenberg, I guess. The sine wave of pitch clarifies. More tonal range, combined with an interesting harmonic. Do both pitches originate together? Perhaps a strange acoustical effect as sounds merge? Perhaps simply echo, with the scattered sound's timbre losing elements, absorbed by the world hosting it, deflecting it? I feel the different bell curves. One wave reflecting pitch, rising, cresting, returning to the origination. Then a pause, this few seconds of rest before recommencing....

I read an interview earlier this week that discounted, well, derided, following your gut. For instance, she pointed out all that folks like Ted Bundy didn't look threatening. Thus quantifiable reasoning is the only way one should make decisions. (This is oversimplified for the sake of space. I'll post the link to the original when I find it.) Oddly, people like Mr. Bundy are reasons I would cite to say trust your gut. There was no evidence he was dangerous until after he was caught. Same's true for most criminals, even today. Nothing readily researchable until after an arrest.Yet many people felt there was something wrong with Mr. Bundy and kept their distance. I don't know if it's spiritual attunement to deeper truth or just your subconscious picking up on subtle clues, but I've found my gut to be right. And ignoring it comes at my peril. Another thought with this: innovation. Innovative thought is, by definition, pushes past known bounds. Trusting your gu...

Cool and grey out my window; Puget Sound’s traditional weather returns. Muted, calm light flows through trees, still bearing mostly summer leaves. A few flecks of yellow and brown, however, foreshadow fall’s approach. Time, I guess, to put away flip-flops and shorts. Cool air and breezes dominate outside. Uncovered feet now hurt. I sit, eyes following leaves pushed by a gentle breeze, wondering what autumn, and the ensuing winter, brings. A bitter winter, perhaps, laden with snow? With a great ski season ensuing, mitigating said bitterness? Or traffic regularly snarled by snow, sleet and hail? Or perhaps a gentler winter awaits? I expect a blend, snowy delights in the nearby mountains, with occasional impacts upon civilization. That, with much drinking of tea and hot cocoa, excite me.

Today a group consisting of my family and friends, took to the highways and ventured out to the Big Four Ice Caves . I’ve been hearing about this place for years, and it seemed a great time to venture out there. It’s about 14 miles east of the Verlot ranger station, in eastern Snohomish county.  A nice hike. Not too intense, not much in the way of elevation gain. There were a few folks in flip-flops, some in sandals (like Tevas) and most in tennis shoes. I wore my hiking boots. With my ankle's history of injury, I opted for extra protection. The terminus of the hike was packed snow, which formed the ice caves in the name. There were other caves further along the small valley, but we didn’t venture farther. Some of us went up onto the snow/ice (the ice is compacted snow, formed mostly from avalanche fallout). I, with my boots, was the only one really equipped for that. I stopped everyone once we got to the point where the rocks that fell were big enough to cause serious harm. ...

With nearly 42% of 2011 completed, I can clearly say that is shaping up into a rough year. Well, at least career-wise. Rough spots, though, are when you get the deepest insights and, for me at least, tend to be the most life changing. Part of what's telling is the lack of angst I feel right now. The past few years have taught me the value of work and career. Most specifically, that's it's not the inner core of my being. There are things far more important. What's really amazing me is how much better I feel about myself right now. My last two roles, though rather successful on the surface, left me feeling quite empty, and struggling with lingering feelings of anxiety and exhaustion. Those feelings are blessedly absent now. Oddly, life seems to reinforce the notion of Murphy's Law. Thus, both of our cars have needed work, medical bills came steaming in, and that sort of fun. Not economic implosion, but certainly annoying. The absence of call-backs right now is a bit d...

This afternoon I chose to stroll along the waterfront in Edmonds . A lovely, quiet downtown, I enjoy taking an hour or so to walk along the beach, past the marina, enjoying the views. Today, though, was unique. First, I heard the (surprisingly loud) cries of eagles. The nesting pairs of bald eagles are back. They followed my path for quite some time. Of course, my walk took me a block from their aerie. The several other walkers and I conjectured the crows trying to dissuade the eagles from their nest were doomed to fail. The entirety of my walk was haunted by the eagles, but they weren't my only wild moment. A small family of sea-lions were passing outside the marina. And, lastly, at the end of the waterside stroll of my sojourn, I watched an otter in the Sound. I adore these wild moments, brought to me right in the heart of town. Solid reminders of why I love it here.

I've long found the statement "that's a good question" to be obnoxious. As I tend to think questions through, trying to answer them on my own, I find the statement redundant. However, I'm rethinking that annoyance. There are bad questions. Asking questions that whose answer is evident are a particular bane of mine. A good question has some basic pieces: thoughtfulness, insightfulness, and (if its particularly good) the answerer learns something. Good questions show that you've paid attention and have considered things. A bad question is one based in intellectual laziness. Asking questions to avoid thinking, researching, etc, is obnoxious. So, think before you ask. Cheers!

As I watch a History Channel production about Pickett's Charge, I remember feeling a glorious sentiment towards these warriors in years past. Now, though, all I feel is sadness. The stunning mass destruction and pain must be considered for the immeasurable sorrow generated. Though, probably, necessary, the loss must be remembered. Via BlackBerry

Days like today are true gems here. It was truly a delight to completely avoid shoes. Though the weather was a bit too cold yet for shorts, I refused to let that deter me. My need for vitamin D was simply too great. An ideal, for me at least, a day with sunshine and freedom. Very close to Zen mastery, my delight somewhat meditative. Bob Marley runs through my head, and I know "Every Little Thing's Gonna Be Alright". I feel very calm and centered. Life, truly, blessedly peaceful. Via BlackBerry

I struggle with competing visions. There is a sense of me as counter-cultural, standing against the wretched excesses of the prevalent culture. Against that, though, is an appreciation of life's finer things. This dichotomy is painful at times. Finding myself staring wistfully at the latest Mercedes sometimes frustrates me. Perhaps I misunderstand myself. Could I earn such things without exploitation? I believe it not only true, but that many have already done so. Finding the "win-win", this place that rewards both sides of the equation. That, truly, is innovative. Via BlackBerry

Like many people, I couldn’t imagine living this long. However, this is not so much a fault with my vision, rather a lack of visioning. Rarely have I lifted my gaze towards the future, towards the sun at dawn. As life has progressed, my nose has drifted lower, resting against the proverbial grindstone. One would expect a bloodied pulp proboscis by now. Visioning, or it’s lack, has been something of a problem for me. It’s hard to plan, to develop goals without a vision. So much of my life has been lived with an immediate focus, short-term mentality. Though I’ve strived to raise my gaze, old habits compel with force. Not powerless, but easily seduced, these impulses drag me down the familiar path. Perchance to dream, to see a future with clarity. Thus to vision, to provide direction, then goals and that fulfillment of life. Such is what I seek.