How to be an Analyst

I zipped out a snarky answer on TUAW (The Unofficial Apple Weblog) and thought I'd share...I am rather proud.

(Setting the scene: Gwydion commented that "I want a job as analyst, I can say any silly thing and be paid for it" [comment #1])

"Gwydion, it's not quite that easy. First, you need to collect copious amounts of BS data. Proceed to dump into the spreadsheet of your choice. Then torture this into the most eye-burning/bleeding set of graphics and slides that you can. That is a critical step, for it instills a sciencey note (giving credibility) and causes intense dizziness, which enables you to use your hypnotic skills (there's an app for that, I'm sure). Then just make sure to include that Steve Jobs is/will be giving Steve Ballmer an economic wedgie and off you go."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Driving along in Kirkland , home of the modern yuppie, I’m passed by a new Mercedes. Lovely, silver, shiny, new, bling-bling; a part of me loaded with insecurity twinges while I purr along in my Toyota. Why? How come this is a metric of my self-esteem? Am I being unfair to myself, being upset by this train of thought and it’s influence? Consider, please, how much this viewpoint is drilled into us. Look at how often this imagery gets pushed into our faces, and how long that’s been going on. It shouldn’t surprise me, really, that I sometimes feel this way. Though my conscious values oppose this, the lingering thread of this programming has threads into the depths psyche.

Pitfalls of distraction

With great ease, I get sucked into random distractions. This frustrates me no end. Actually, the worst past of the feeling isn't due to the lingering tasks. I end up feeling distracted, fragmented and worn; I hate that sensation. I love the feeling of moving forward, accomplishing goals with a direction and focus. Of course, I adore helping people, especially those I care about. The right balance, oh how I long for thee!

a winter's walk

Under sunlit trees Cold air sitting in judgement I still stop and gaze

Carl Setzer

Search This Blog