I zipped out a snarky answer on TUAW (The Unofficial Apple Weblog) and thought I'd share...I am rather proud.
(Setting the scene: Gwydion commented that "I want a job as analyst, I can say any silly thing and be paid for it" [comment #1])
"Gwydion, it's not quite that easy. First, you need to collect copious amounts of BS data. Proceed to dump into the spreadsheet of your choice. Then torture this into the most eye-burning/bleeding set of graphics and slides that you can. That is a critical step, for it instills a sciencey note (giving credibility) and causes intense dizziness, which enables you to use your hypnotic skills (there's an app for that, I'm sure). Then just make sure to include that Steve Jobs is/will be giving Steve Ballmer an economic wedgie and off you go."