Sunday, October 09, 2011

Battling Insecurity

I'm sure you've heard the question, "what would you do if you won the lottery?" Or any of its many variants ("received a million bucks", or the simple (heard at a Franklin/Covey seminar) "what would you do if you didn't need to worry about income?"). These tools guiding you past fears and to your deeper values. A bit of insight shows me they miss a personal roadblock: insecurity.

Sure, I worry about money, or, rather, it's lack. Which impacted my life/career choices. This nagging sense I should be doing something great pains me, pushes me. I have friends who have done mission work in Africa/Central America/Asia, have led teams in Fortune 500 companies, are globally sought out speakers, along with many other amazing things. All of this tweaks my underlying insecurity, this sense that I should be doing "more". And that my "lacking' in this area is due to some laziness, a lack of focus, or some other character malaise. I see the irrationality, and challenge it regularly. Yet, the influence is deep, and ancient. Roots so deep their origin uncertain.

Perhaps, then, my question, tool, to delve past these issues should be "what would I do if I didn't need to prove anything?" If I root that out, my personal vision clarifies. Then, my goals visibile, leaving me to pursue them with focus and drive. What would that look like?

It's quite profound, and will take time to work through. Imagining this gone, an underlying "voice" ever-present. Gone? This insecurity impacted each and every career decision I made, and adds tension to my current life. Imagining life without it challenges me deeply.


Daniel B. said...

What about this: instead of asking if you should do more, what about asking yourself what you've already done? Looking back and adding up your accomplishments, big and small. Taking a peek and seeing the good you've done, and where you see yourself if you stay down the current path. I suspect that there's a good chance you'll prove to yourself that there's not a lot "more" that you should be doing. Because from where I'm sitting, the path you're taking so far seems pretty good to me.

Carl 2.0 said...

Daniel, I like your idea of the accomplishment list. Another way to reinforce the path one is one. Look for those common elements.

And, of course, thanks for your encouragement.